I Just Need A Moment

Apologies in advance if you came to be inspired by something lovely posted today but I need a place to unscramble my thoughts. 

I just need a moment.

Yesterday had a great start. But upon opening my email after lunch I learned that a very dear friend, a sister really, had departed this world. The chest-wracking dry-sobs of shock started immediately followed closely by a long, ugly cry. And though I was alone in my apartment, I wasn't truly alone. A quick login to Facebook concluded that my entire class (and then some) from Miss Porter's was reeling from the news in just the same way.

And within this place of shock, disbelief, grief came something wonderful - a reminder that we Porter's girls are so much more than friends, we're family. No matter how far we are all scattered across the country and the globe, we will always be there for one another. I can't help but think that CB, with her loving, open heart and beautiful soul, would have wanted us all to rediscover this sense of family. What a way to honor and celebrate her life. You see, CB had this miraculous ability to befriend anyone. She was friends with everyone in our class, as well as girls from others, not something everybody can claim in the innate cliquish environment created by teenage girls.

The river of grief ebbs and flows. One minute I'll be busily distracted by work and the next moment a memory will hit. I'll never read a new witty Facebook post, never see another ridiculous selfie or picture of her many fur-babies, never see that she's once again stubbed a toe or knocked over a lamp after a raucous solo-dance-party (most notable were those danced to One Direction.)

My heart is heavy at these memories but from time to time I'll catch myself smiling and I can only hope that as I grieve there will be more smiles from memories of CB than tears. She shone brightly here on earth, making it a better place for all whose lives she touched. I like to think that she still shines down upon us all, family and friends, a bright star in the night sky, a ray of sunshine peaking out through a cloudy sky.

I take comfort knowing that she's been reunited with her beloved father, a loss she mourned deeply. And I know that one day we'll meet again. And she'll be wearing her MPS Spirit Squad sweatpants.

My prayers are with her family during their time of mourning and healing. Though I cannot be at her memorial tomorrow I'll be sending thoughts of love, courage and strength to her family and friends in attendance. I'll miss you CB but I'll carry you forever in my heart.